So I've never worked for a large corporation, I've been with "start-ups" since 2000 and if you didn't know, start ups don't test for anything - if they did half of their employees would fail.
That being said, I've been a regular smoker now for over a decade - started light in college and then it just progressed into my daily life. Not before work and never during, just in my own, personal time and almost every night (it helps me sleep) and during my many recreational activities (skiing, hiking, camping, surfing - everything is better on grass).
Anyway, so since I've never been tested (I used to say, "If a company tests, I don't want their job.") but this one was too good to pass up. Small company purchased by a bigger one, having to follow their rules now. I didn't know this. So there was no real elation in getting this job - since it was followed by, "Now all we need are you contracts, a background check and a urine sample." You have no idea how that test rung in my head. Initially, I would have partied all night (not literally) in getting this killer, very competitive position but in this situation, I was even afraid to tell family I got a new job.
I scoured the web reading blog after blog about what people in my situation did. I couldn't ask any friends since most of them smoke, my wife is a daily user like me, so no go there, the two options I had were to quit or hit the fake stuff. Once I found out they needed the test immediately, I was forced into the only choice I had: use fake piss. The problem was there were so many inconsistent stories - every "Buy this shit!" comment was followed by, "FAILED." so I really had to use my discretion.
I found this stuff called "Quick Fix" and read all about it. Most of the opinions were very positive. It helped even more that the dude from a local head shop told me, "Shit, this is the only stuff we carry, we go through about 50 bottles a month!" Great news.
Now using the fake piss wasn't the big deal - I had no idea how I was going to sneak it in! After more research, my buddy told me very nonchalantly - "Just stuff it in your pants." So I did. Wore some running spandex, a tight pair of boxer briefs and jeans. As I read the biggest problem with fake piss is the temperature, I made sure the numbers were between 98-102 (felt cooler when I handed the cup to the guy) and nuked it and tucked it into my pants. Drove to a sterile, cold, lab room with one guy helping some chick on the phone. He took his sweet ass time while I was almost shitting myself (metaphorically) but finally got off the phone, told me to fill out some paperwork and I'd be on my way. He led me to the room, gave instructions, closed the door and that was it! I filled the cup with the bottle tucked into my jeans), took a gander at the temp on the side and walked out of the room (was very nervous about the temp). He took the cup, poured a sample of it into a vile and sealed the package!
So the test was done and of course we're low, so I head to see my guy and reload. Funny how that works. Anyway, I was psyched that the test was done but now the waiting......and waiting. It was excruciating. The only way I knew for certain that I passed was when no one said anything to me (this job was remote, working from home, offices 2,000 miles away) and they booked a ticket for me to come train in their offices! Very anti-climactic I realize, no party, no jumping around, just the great feeling I had passed and that I was on my way to a new job.
Good luck to everyone out there, it's absurd that pot is illegal and shit like caffeine, tobacco and alcohol are not. FUCK THE MAN. Tobacco and Firearms and the FDA are full of shit and are only looking out for big business. These tests should never occur but since they do, we'll keep passing them AND smoking!