Just a quick (long) note to relay my experience of yesterday and today...
Went to a job interview ($hit job, but a job nonetheless) on Thursday. Filled out a series of initial application crap which included a drug screen authorization.
After the apps were submitted, the male secretary says "Ready? Follow me..."
I headed to the restroom where he proceeded to hand me one of these devices:
I wasn't a bit worried! Ya see, I've been smoke free for 106 days!!! Not by choice guys and gals. I've been smokin' for 25 out of my 42 years on this earth, but, I need a job. Needless to say, I'm seriously jonesing after 106 days!
So, I do my business, not even worried about mid-stream capture or anything. I leave the restroom and head back to the lobby.
I then receive the formal job application and proceed to fill out the front side and back side of the first of 8 damn pages.
The male secretary comes over and sez "Are you almost finished?" I sez, not quite... He sez "Well, we had a problem with your sample". I sez: NO WAY!
He sez "Yes, and I tried your sample in two of the test kits (see link above) and they both came back bad". I sez: There is no way. I am substance-free! I don't even drink alcohol! My only issue is diabetes. I take four shots of insulin daily. Nothing else!
By now, I'm totally freaked out. Everyone in the office and the lobby heard the results. Great, just freakin' great. So much for confidentiality...
He sez: If you believe our tests are in error, there's a testing facility only a block way. It'll cost you $35.
I sez: OK, I'll go and bring you back the results, (figuring i'd recoup the cost on my first expense report once they hired me)! LOL
So, off I go to the testing facility. It's full of other lucky people getting their personal liberties stomped on. The gal at the counter asks me what I need. I sez: A tox screen. She sez: "$42". I sez: The guy down the street said $35. She says "Oh, you mean a drug screen".
I then realize that if I pay $35, i'll piss in another lame, plastic tester (see link above). For $42, I'll get a GC/MS test from a real lab. I succumb to the test, sweatin' the results the whole way. I'm still so pissed off, I forget the mid-stream thing again!
The reason I was stressing is that I am 6'4" and 300 lbs and been a chronic smoker for 25 years! There's more than enough fat cells on me to harbor THC for life!
So, I go home, not knowing what to expect. I spend half the night reading this and other forums looking for the solution to future tests. Even went to Wally World for my cranberry juice and Sure-Jell.
The next day...
I also found the QuickFix product online and decide to find it locally at the local "tobacco" shops around Dallas. Two visits, no luck. I even got kicked out of the second shop for asking "too many questions". Seriously! They are so paranoid around here that they actually freaked out when I mentioned testing and synthetic urine. I sez: Yeah, well I've been kicked outta better head shops than this!
OK, off to pick up the results of the $42 test. Figuring I am screwed cuz I can't find the QuickFix locally and I need it NOW! :-)
Get the results in hand (finally). The clerk sez: You're negative. I sez: I wasn't stressin' it! YEAH, RIGHT! LOL
I laughed all the way back to the company where I wanted to interview. I then handed the male secretary the results and asked him to copy them and to put it into my file. I sez: I'll be back Monday for a job!
I've got two interviews there next Monday! Yahoo!
If you've read the story thusfar, I figure you deserve to hear the lesson I learned!
DON'T TRUST THE RESULTS FROM THE PIECE OF $HIT PLASTIC TESTING DEVICES (see link above). MAKE SOME DAMN NOISE IF YOU FAIL A TEST WITH ONE OF THESE CONTRAPTIONS (providing you're clean)!!!
My THC level was below the extremely low 15 mg/dl cutoff level used by the lab yet the plastic device failed me! Twice!
So, if I get the job Monday, I'll light one in honor of my 106 days of abstinence!
Smoke On Brothers and Sisters!