The following is an account of a couple’s use of Amanita muscaria mushrooms in the neo-ritual context of sex, magick and religious role-playing. The effects are not fully described; as it is the unusual context the trip takes place in that needs to be explained.
My wife and I recently found some Amanita mushrooms while hiking. There was lots of the red variety (Amanita muscaria) as well as many ranging from yellow to orange (Amanita muscaria var Formosa). We gathered a fairly large amount of the red-capped variety only. We did some research and decided to heat them at 125 degrees (to decarboxylate the ibotenic acid into muscimole) until they dried. That night I tested a small amount while my wife was on standby. I felt almost no effects at all. 3 nights later I doubled the dose and felt slight but defiantly noticeable effects (inability to focus eyes, a slight difficulty speaking clearly and coherently, a vague sense of psychedelic energy just flirting under the surface). There was slight nausea.
3 nights after that I ingested a dose that was 3 times the size of the first night. This time I could actually say I was ‘intoxicated’. My vision was somewhat fuzzy and I felt ‘swirly’ i.e. my balance was off (but this was pleasant). I felt uncomfortably nauseous but a little marijuana took care of this and potentiated the Amanita. After sometime I felt relaxed and lethargic. Music seemed much more psychoactive than usual.
The next night my wife tried a dose double the size of my first test. She reported similar effects and intensity. One week later we both decided we were ready for the real experience. We are both into mysticism, magick, neo-paganism (we have an agnostic Jungian/pagan/chaos-magick attitude on the matter) and decided to work the Amanita experience into a neo-ritual framework. You can call it experimental psychological exercise if you like, or you can call it magick or religion; none of these models is completely correct or incorrect. We had a rough outline of the ritual activity we intended to conduct with room for improvisation upon the way the ‘spirit’ moved us. My wife took a good amount this time. After about an hour or so the bodily effects were in full effect. Besides blurry vision and limb lethargy, she had a very upset stomach. I prepared some cannabis for her and we shared a joint. Then I had her lay on the bed where I massaged her with some therapeutic scented oils.
She never felt so much enjoyment from the sense of smell before, she said. She felt the scent as if it were a beautiful ‘atmosphere’ co-occupying our room. Music was very effective to hear and she could feel the sound as if it were currents of air moving in the room. After some time we realized she had no ill stomach effects. She told me she “felt the ritual coming on” and told me to leave her for a few minutes. I left the room while she prepared herself and told me I should prepare myself as well. I smoked a larger joint (I have a low tolerance for cannabis, so this immediately put me in an altered state) and I sat in meditation and did some breathing exercise. I felt like a worshipper in ecstatic prayer. She then called me back in the bedroom. She sat upon the bed wearing her black robe that she only wears in ritual. I crawled to her on my hands and knees, addressing her as the Goddess, professing my love, adoration and utter worship of her. She spoke softly and enigmatically as if she were the Goddess herself.
After some ritual flirting I was allowed to crawl right up to her feet. There I kissed and licked her toes and feet, then I made my way up her legs, lingering long and worshipfully. I was talking to her between kisses, confessing my sins, professing my worshipful love of here, and to my wife in whom she was incarnated. Finally I made it to her yoni. She parted her robe just enough for me to go down on her. There I pleased her as best as I could. She seemed to enjoy this much more than usual. After some time she announced it was time to bathe. I lit some candles in the bathroom. She entered and sat on the edge of the tub with her feet on the tub floor. She had me kneel and bow before her, between her legs. I repeated the same motions as before, only this time I was allowed to pleasure myself at the same time (I was naked and in the tub). I was close to orgasm but was not allowed to climax. When I got to her yoni she announced that it was time for me to show my utter worship of her divinity. With some word play, I professed that I would do anything for my Goddess and she unleashed her golden shower into my mouth.
Now, we had planned this before hand. This was something neither of us did, but had bashfully discussed in the past. Now it was happening. I felt that shock wave of adrenaline you get when you almost get in an accident. I felt the opposite emotions of disgust and adoration. I felt my body tense and tell me to stop letting this happen. I loved her utterly as my wife and worshipped her utterly as my Goddess, yet we are all brought up to believe that urine is ‘yucky’ and disgusting and unclean (not true if you are talking about urine right out of a healthy person’s body). With these opposite emotions swirling like yin/yang I simply gave in to it. She opened her robe further and upon her stomach was a sigil she had painted. (a sigil is a magickal symbol meant to be activated by looking at it when you are having some peak experience like orgasm, intense pain, blind rage, etc.) I stared at this while letting all the mixed emotions overtake me. I kept myself very close to climax, but did not allow it to actually happen. She petted my head like a Goddess adoring her worshipper. I could tell she really enjoyed my total submission and devotion.
As you may know, it has been said that the active ingredients of Amanita muscaria is passed into the urine and that drinking this urine can intoxicate the drinker. Well, I found this to certainly be true. I felt the effects come on, and we role played that this was because her status as the Goddess and that her divine power was inherent in any part of her, and that all of her was sacred, even her golden rain. I, as the worshipper, was in awe from the effects of her golden rain. By her divine grace I was granted the gift of being able to drink from her and enter into the nature of divinity myself. I felt effects stronger than my previous experiments and indeed the ritual context made the role-playing seem real. To us, you see, it WAS real, as real as any other illusion we all call “reality”. We made love and enjoyed the trip together as the Goddess and a human worshipper temporarily allowed access into heaven and divinity.
On one other occasion we repeated a similar ritual, only this time I ate the mushrooms and became the Great God Pan/Dionysus and she was my devoted worshipper. Even in my highly intoxicated state I knew we were just role-playing, but I actually felt like the wild horny god Pan/Dionysus. It seems that because the trip had a focus and was contained in a ritual frame, there was no confusion/fear. This had a slightly different spin on it because rather than a maternal gentle Goddess and her devoted human worshipper, I was the powerful (yet loving) God with Lust and sublimated wildness. Whereas the Goddess was gently dominating and I was eagerly submissive, the Great God was a little more domineering. Nothing extreme just subtly implied and asserted. Whereas the Goddess gently pets my head and speaks softly, the Great God gently yet firmly grips her hair and speaks lustfully and powerfully. The Goddess has her worshipper do her bidding because he so completely adores and worships her. The Great God has his worshipper do his bidding because she is in such awe of his power.
She worshipped me on her knees as I stood before her. She pleased me with her mouth. When the time came, she undressed and crawled before me to the bathroom. There she groveled and begged to be spared my divine wrath. I told her she could redeem herself by doing my bidding without question. I reached down and gripped her hair and told her to open her mouth. She pretended to resist. She shook her head and said “Oh my Lord, perhaps I can show you in some other way?” Once again I told her to open her mouth. With this I let fall my golden divine rain. She drank what she could and I showered her body with the rest. (We did not incorporate a sigil this time.) We bathed, made love, smoked a joint, and enjoyed our trip.
NOTE OF CAUTIONARY ADVISE – please do not try this act unless you are sure the urine is from a healthy person with which you are having a long-term monogamous relationship with!