Just wanted to share my experience!

Discussion in 'Drug Testing' started by Mimosagod, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. Mimosagod

    Mimosagod Registered

    Here's my story of taking a drug screen this afternoon:
    My husband and I have two young kids and used to smoke every once in a while yeeeaars ago before we were married. We just started up a little over a month ago 4-5x/week after the kids were in bed to wind down a little. I've never worried about passing a drug test before, so this was a whole new world for me. I stopped smoking to start job hunting, I didn't think I would land a job offer so quickly for such a great job. I was so scared about passing, it had been less than a week since I stopped. I took two at home tests after drinking loads of water/Gatorade and taking B3. None of it was working. I stumbled across this site, and thank goodness I did. I saw N2's instructions on how to substitute and I knew I had to do that, it was my only chance. I practiced for hours yesterday using a condom, non lubricated, and stuffed it in my pants. I learned my body heat and two pairs of underwear couldn't keep it above 92 degrees, so now I know the temperature is my biggest concern. I collected my son's urine this morning, and promptly transferred it to a well rinsed condom and used a twist tie to tie it off then placed it in a cup of water around 103-105 degrees. I couldnt go for a few hours, so I had to keep it warm. About ten minutes before I left, the temp was only 98 so I grabbed a thermal cup and filled it with scalding hot water from my coffee maker and placed the condom in there for like 4 minutes, tops. I placed a hand warmer in between the two layers of underwear then put the piping hot condom right up snug with my lady bits (I thought it was going to burn me, btw). I used a cheap $4 thermometer I got from Walmart for all my temp needs. I had a 10 minute drive and who knows how much waiting when I got there, so I needed it to be hot. Side note, I was worried about the bulge in my pants so I wore a long sweater to cover it all and the condom made a slurping liquid noise when I walked, so I made sure I swished my boots together to mask the noise when I walked, lol.
    So I get there and I had to wait about 5 minutes, so I just sat there trying not to freak out. I'm taken back and I had to use this little tiny restroom with a grate in the door. I've never experienced that before, I've always had complete privacy when taking a pre employment drug screen. By this time my heart rate has been 105 for a straight 30 minutes (thanks, fitbit! My resting is 63!!), and I'm shaking like a leaf. As calmly and quietly as I can, I get the condom and sit on the toilet, untwist it (and yelling at myself internally for twisting the tie so many times!), and empty the whole thing into the cup. She asked for half way, thank God my son really needed to pee this morning (he's 4, and clueless). I hurriedly threw the twist tie and condom in my underwear and gave her the sample. The paperwork she gave me said the temp was within range, I signed and initialed everything and got out of there!!! When I got to my car I felt like I was going to cry and throw up at the same time. I've never been so scared/nervous/relieved at the same time. I felt like goddamn Danny Ocean.
    Thank you thank you thank you, I can't tell you how much help this thread has been.
  2. Mimosagod

    Mimosagod Registered

    Btw, I quit smoking one week and 5 days before the drug test. I'm 5'5, 120 and the dilution method did not work for me.

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