Modify Your Whizzinator: A Tutorial and Tips for General Usage

Discussion in 'Drug Testing' started by 21p, Mar 16, 2015.

  1. 21p

    21p Registered

    Hello all, one of many former lurkers in this section of the forums. I recently had a monitored drug test. Monitored tests are common practice for on-site drug tests occurring in facilities with multiple stalls. The attendant is permitted to stand outside the stall or in the doorway of the bathroom.

    The drug test was to remain employed at a nicely-figured job and I could not leave anything to chance. I purchased the Whizzinator hoping to have an easy solution on my hands and was disappointed by how cumbersome the piece was. My dick isn't five inches flaccid, wtf? The velcro straps are shitty and loud. If you needed to bend over for any reason during the test - game over. I was less than impressed for the money. Using the device shouldn't be an art form for 150.00. I can't shit on it too much, because I did use it effectively and with a little modification it can be a great device. Here is a picture of the model below:
    Whizzinator-1-contents.jpg

    I had to work with it, as the date was fast approaching and eventually you have to make a decision on which risk you're gonna take. In the end, I made some modifications that may benefit current or future owners of the device. I hope it may help someone else beat these shitty and biased drug laws. *You will not be able to return the dick after this.*

    Items needed:
    1 pair of tight underwear
    1 pair of scissors
    1 yard of cheesecloth (grocery store)
    1 Whizzinator
    3 or more handwarmers

    Surgery:

    1. Cut the two shitty elastic strappings off the device and throw them in the trash where they belong.
    2. Place cheesecloth over the velcro portion of the front crotch and trim it to size. You want to press the cheesecloth into the velcro so that it makes no crackling/sticky sounds when you put on your tighty-whities and move about.
    3. Put on the underwear and place the fake dick down into the front of your crotch, right next to your left or right nutsack. You want the fake dick to curve down and inside of the underwear, almost like you're trying to pull a tuck-job.
    4. Once you have the penis where you want it, pull the on/off flow valve into a position you can non-conspicuously reach down and manipulate when nature calls.
    5. Cut a hole in your underwear, right where the valve is sticking out. Now you don't have to awkwardly reach inside your underwear to start peeing.

    Here it is in and out of the 'holster':
    fakedick.jpg 11051276_10102933595652685_850503864_n.jpg


    Training:

    This is the most important step. If you fail to practice, you will fail the drug test.

    1. Fill up the reservoir of your strapless Whizzinator and put on your pants. You want at least 90mL and no more than 150mL in the bag. You will not be able to drain ALL of the piss out of the bladder, so try to pack 15-20% more than required. Your pants should be loose but not suspicious. It helps to have a longer t-shirt on to cover your bulge. Try several volumes of fluid to see what you can pull off, always paying attention to your stride and gait.

    2. After you've gotten your walk down, go through the motion of untucking your fake whizzer from the side of your underwear. You can do this while twisting the exposed flow switch on the device. When practiced smoothly, you will be able to perform this in one continuous motion, which will look natural. Rest the dick in the cup and it will obscure the view of the head. It looks less realistic than the shaft. The less exposure your fake dick has, the better.. period. This nugget may benefit anyone who is being observed. The prosthetic is not very convincing when in plain sight. Remember this!

    3. Practice with the temp. I ended up cutting a hole in the back of the device so I could put the bladder directly on my skin. Prior to this, the temp hovered around 92-94 F. As the urine travels down the prosthetic, it will cool a few degrees. Take off the temp strip on the device and put it on a plastic cup to see much the temp is affected. Return it to the bladder when finished. Practice with multiple handwarmers. The ones that come with the kit suck. Throw them away you cheap bastard, and go get some from the local army/navy surplus.

    Benefits

    1. Fewer straps = less shit to hassle with.
    2. The superimposed fake dick will look more anatomically appropriate than the original.
    3. Most people hold their pants open/down when pissing. You can take full advantage of this with the modification.
    4. Less bulge.

    Hope this helps. If you have any questions, I'll try to answer them. Toke on!
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2015

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